She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i will never coherently bang her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
