I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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