I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
