he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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