i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
