We're like a lot better than the average bears
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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