Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
