i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize