I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
