Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
