dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
