Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
