I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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