Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
