I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
