This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
