it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
