as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
