her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize