Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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