that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
