Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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