It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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