Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
