Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
