Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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