I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
