Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
