She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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