I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize