Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm lost and stupid without you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize