chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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