He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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