we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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