This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
