Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
