Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
