If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
