Apparently you make a good broom.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
