woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
