Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
