i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
