If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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