I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize