There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
