i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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