drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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