He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you didnt know i had herpes?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
