She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
