so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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