Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
