We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
