I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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