using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize