I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
