Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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