I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
