Do vagina's smell?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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