either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
