Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
