i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
