you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
