Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
