Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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