based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
