I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
