So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
