Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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