I'll bet she douches with gravy.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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