listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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