I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
