I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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