Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
