May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
