Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
