i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
