I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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