you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
