I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
