He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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