Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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