If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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