dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We are two peas in an std pod
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize