You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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