Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want nice things and good sex
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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