You're my little dorito
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
