Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize