i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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