Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
