i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
