come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
