I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
