just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
