At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
