Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
